January 11, 2010

Not My Husband Monday 1-11-10

Wow! It has been a long time since I have done a Not Me Monday post. Which I committed to the kids I would try to do every week. You know, the thing is, that there is too much to blog about and not enough time to blog.

Worry not, though. I'm back. I am not going to do a "Not Me" post though. No! No! No! Today is my dear husband's birthday. In trying to decide how to properly acknowledge such a momentous occasion as his 40th birthday (I did not say that) here in blog world, I had lots of ideas. Believe it or not, I am a very indecisive person, and could not decide which I liked best. So I ran it by the family for a vote. There was an overwhelming majority on a "Not My Husband" post to honor the man we love so much. As we sat around throwing ideas around, turns out most of the best ideas came from Allen himself. Let me publicly say that you just have to adore a man who can put aside his pride and laugh at his own foibles.

While we are at it, I told him I was going to take a poll of whether or not he should return to blogging. He comes up with such great ideas and all the kids keep encouraging him to write some more. So leave a yeah or nay in your comment and if you feel so inclined pop over to Herding Cats and leave him some encouragement.

Ladies, I know you all will appreciate this. Did you ever notice how we deliberate for days, hours and weeks over spending $5 on just the right shelf paper. Then for the next five years we will question whether or not we got the right one every time we open the cupboard. Men, however, can make a huge purchase such as a house or car at the drop of a hat and not bat an eyelash. We had spent years searching for just the right house on just the right plot of land, when someone mentioned a house for sale. Do you know that my good husband decided we would buy that house before he even saw the inside? This from a man who reads consumer reports before buying shaving cream. A few short weeks later we were moving in. I on the other hand, have been trying to decide on pictures since we repainted the kitchen almost two years ago now!

You need to know all that in order to really appreciate the truth you are going to read. So here it goes.

When Emma was a baby we did NOT have a van in which the engine blew up. We did NOT put a new engine in that van only to have the transmission go out. It was not completely gone, if the truth be known. It would go in all the gears except reverse. We did NOT decide that putting more money into a vehicle that had already outlived its life expectancy by a number of years was a bad idea. Just before Christmas we had NO choice but to buy a new vehicle.

I told my Allen not to buy me any gifts that Christmas because I knew he was worried about making such a big purchase unexpectedly. He bought a red Jeep Cherokee and made a big fuss about it being his gift to me. I loved driving that car and was grateful to be able to park without worry of being stuck in a spot because I forgot and pulled into a place that I had to back out of.

My husband did NOT drive to work in that car the following year and come home late for dinner driving a new vehicle for himself. I was really upset, not that he went off and bought a car without telling me, but that he was late and we had company and were overdue to meet friends that evening. Then it occurred to me that he had left in my car after breakfast. When I asked him where it was he did not say, "Oh, I got a great trade in on it."

A few years later, he did NOT leave for a meeting in that Taurus and on his lunch break trade it in for a new car before running to meet another customer. You can NOT just pop in and buy a new car on your lunch break like you are picking up a gallon of milk!

Nor did he drop me off at the airport to board a plane for Italy in that Altima and then pick me up two weeks later in a Ford Fusion.

While we are on the topic of cars, he did NOT name his GPS Gertrude. When Gertrude kick the bucket (which he did not accuse me of jealously "doing her in", he did NOT name his new GPS Gretchen.

I proved better than a sexy electronic voice, though. Or did I? My Allen did NOT come home one evening after being on the road all day and say, "Honey, you look good after staring at the inside of my car for twelve hours."

He has learned a little about romance over the years, though. My sweet heart has never brought half dead gas station flowers since our first Valentine's Day together when I told him better to bring me NO flowers than to pick up the leftovers at the Shell station on the way home simply because they were cheap.

He was not still trying to make up for this the following year when my birthday rolled around. He did NOT try to woo me by making his world's not so famous red velvet cake (which I do not even like). He did not substitute granulated sugar for confectioner's sugar in the icing. We have NOT been teasing him about his crunchy cake ever since.

He does have his moments of romantic success. After all he did not invent the twelve days of anniversary. He did not tell me three times he was going to blog about it on herding cats, thereby blowing a perfectly good post and never get around to blogging about it.

Allen is not known for his willingness to help anyone in need. For example he did not spend the better part of a summer painting his Aunt's house accepting payment only in coconut cakes. I did not spend weeks trying to make the perfect coconut cake for his birthday thinking that it must be his favorite to paint an entire house, after all. Which, as it turns out, he does not even like coconut cake.

Allen has not dedicated his life to making a beautiful home for us. Along the way that has not involved him moving his office to the school room for the summer. He certainly would NOT stay there for two years displacing the entire Wachter Wagon Grammar School.

When he was laid off eight years ago, he did NOT disappear for hours at a time. We did not discover that he had split 3 1/2 cords of firewood with an ax in an attempt to work off his frustration. Nor did he decide that was too much work and start buying his wood pre-split the winter we could first afford it.

Allen did not come home from work one day to find me and my sister painting the kitchen of our town house. He did not tell us that we were the worst painters he had ever seen and kick us off the job. Nor did he spend the next week painting the entire house from top to bottom.

Allen was NOT the one to initiate a five cent fine to the vacation jar for anyone leaving a light or appliance on. The kids did NOT end up catching him more than he caught them.

When he was a boy he did not fall off the porch. He was not knocked unconscious. He has not told the kids this story so many times that they can tell it word for word. They do NOT love to shout out the big finish, "They thought I was dead!"

Allen is not such a typical engineer that he does not count it an accomplishment to make it to December 31st without ever reading more than one page a day of his Dilbert a Day calendar.

Are you left wondering what we really think of good old Pa? Click over to By The Way and check out Brianna's blog.

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.



  1. Personally, I like the appliance fine and the kids catching him. We might have to try that one on our "Pa" who is clearly the "light" police...hahaha.
    Great post! Happy Birthday Allen. I pray all of you will have a wonderfully blessed day, together.
    Blessings, andrea

  2. What a great post!
    I loved it.

    Have a great Day!

  3. You NAILED my husband with the assessment of how men make decisions versus women. I have been talking about giving our front porch a "facelift" for some time now. DH goes out and, in one day, comes up with the plans for the whole thing, a budget, etc. etc. etc.! I'm glad, at least, that he is more decisive than I am, even if it borders on impulsive!

    Confessions From A Working Mom

  4. You're certainly blessed. And I enjoyed his blog. I'll have to tell him.

  5. Those were such great pictures. What a sweet man you have. Happy Birthday Allen!