December 2, 2010

Unexpected Visitors

As I went about my chores in the kitchen last Wednesday morning, Allen shouted from down the hall to look out the window.  "You've got to see this!" he said as he came running into the kitchen, his face covered in shaving cream.

I expected some deer or bird visiting our back yard.  A sight that always brings excitement, even though it is rather common.

Of course, all my little peeps had to run to the kitchen window, too.  What our eyes landed sight on was quite a surprise.

We're remarkable cows,
and where ever we go,
it's a fabulous show
oh you know we are cows.
That's right we're cows.
Such remarkable cows.
We can sing very slow.
We can dance in a row.
We are lovely and slow.
Oh, oh, yes you know,
We are cows.  
If you thought that all we could do was go "Moo" 
then you ought to come and see what we do.  
For we are cows.
Such remarkable cows. 
And where ever we go,
it's a fabulous show,
Oh, you know we are
cows, cows, cows, cows!

There is a 20 or 30 foot drop off there.  And they just stood there, eight of them, as if they had no idea what to do next.  Fortunately, for them, they came to the right place.  While we don't keep livestock around the old Wachter place, Allen did spend his formative years working on his Uncle's dairy farms.  When they started heading to the road, he went out to keep them out of trouble while we figured out what to do.
After they nibbled on my hydrangea bush and ate my sedum, they walked right up to Allen and made friends.  That man of mine looked a little too much in his element for my comfort.  Chickens are one thing, but I don't think I up for milking twice a day.  Every day.  Even on Christmas. 
I couldn't get over how really stupid they are.  See the black fellow.  He's the instigator.  I wouldn't be surprised if he initiated the whole break out.  Everything he did, the others followed along.  After a while, they started playing catch with the black fellow.  Until they got side tracked in my square foot garden eating the blueberry bushes.  
Now, we do live in the country and there are a number of farms nearby but the closest two are each a mile away.  Even if we knew where they had come from we don't know the farmers so we had no way of contacting them.  We settled on calling animal control.  Which we thought was amusing because how often does a person call animal control in their life and here we were for the second time in six months giving them a ring-a-ling.  (Did I ever tell you about the Raccoon?)

Kaitlin was put in charge of tracking down the number.  She finally got a person instead of a machine three numbers later.  To the person on the other end she said, "You are not going to believe this, I know it is a little strange, but there are eight cows hanging around our back yard."  

Ah, but they did believe it.  The lady replied, "Actually, I can believe that because a farmer just called and said he is missing eight cows."  No kidding.

All we had to do now was wait and keep the fellows from getting into trouble.  Which is not as easy as one might think.  I don't know what was funnier-watching them wander around and get into mischief or watching the kids run from window to window to giggle at their next exploit.  (Allen didn't want them to go outside and scare the herd into the road during rush hour traffic.)  
In case you were wondering, they like to push the swings around, eat holly bushes and just generally walk around looking confused.  The COWS, people!  No, not the kids.
Of course, everyone thought it was all hilarity until they started eating the pinwheels.  The kids put a bunch of pinwheels in the new garden we planted around Gussie's tree.  I thought it was pretty funny at first, but then the kids got really upset that they were stomping through that garden.  However, for anyone who might find it funny, the leader of the pack started eating a pinwheel.  Then another followed.  The first dude decided he didn't like it and spit it back out.  However the other three that copied him must not have noticed.  I am guessing they wanted to be as big and tough as him because there they stood chomping on the pinwheel part with the plastic handle sticking out of their mouths.  (It really was hysterical).  Then they spit the stick out like a kid does when he finishes a lollipop and contentedly swallowed their shiny treat.  
And if that wasn't all amusing enough, it got really ludicrous when animal control, three pickup trucks bearing the farmers and the police showed up.  They all stood around with their hands in their pockets like they had nothing better to do than chew tobacco.  After quite some time the officer from animal control asked them if they even had a PLAN.  To which they replied, "Not a clue."  They did at least have the forethought to bring a bucket of feed.  Which didn't interest these fellows at all because they'd been nibbling at all my vegetation for a long while.  And if that hadn't filled them up, there were the pinwheels to consider.
If only they had thought to bring something like a TRAILER.  But no they didn't.  They decided to block traffic with the police cruisers and escort the bovine back home.  Ha!  That was a good one.  When farmer number one said "ADIAMO" they all just started moving in the right direction.  Yeah, right.  Kind of like a room full of toddlers in the middle of play.
They did finally get them all back home.  A tidy one mile hike down to the end of the road.  

Later in the day, there was knock at the door.  Yes, it was the farmer.  He stopped by to tell us thank you and make sure our guests hadn't done any damage.  We had nothing that won't help grow my tomatoes next summer to report.  And a few pinwheels.  He expressed his gratitude again and promised that when they get to butchering he'd like to bring us some steaks and burger.  

To which we could only reply, "EAT MORE CHICKEN!"


  1. That is hilarious! Great post!

  2. oh my! What a hoot. We used to live in a house "in the city limits" that backed a farm. One day I saw a shadow walking past my kitchen window. At first I thought it was a person but then looked out the window and lo and behold there was the backside of a cow. My neighbors cows began to regularly get out and find themselves in our yard since we didn't have a fence. I don't know how many times we had to call him to come get his cows. My girls were little at the time and loved it!