September 26, 2011

Good For God is Not Enough by Gaby

 My childhood was full of all kinds of abuses, which led me to have low self esteem, lustful lifestyle, you name it, I had it. During our dating life (hubby and I), being in bondage to sin, I was unfaithful to him a number of times and kept it a secret carefully tucked away.  After a year of being married,  I gave my life to Jesus, and soon after me, my husband also surrendered his life to God.

Since my husband and I  got along so well, I figured we had a good marriage, but I always felt something was missing.  As my prayer life and Bible reading life increased, I got closer to God, and my desires became His.

When we would attend marriage retreats and conferences, and saw how affectionate and loving other couples were, I would feel so uncomfortable and my husband could tell I felt that way.  He would  ask me why I couldn't look at him in the eyes.  And to be honest with you,  unconsciously I was doing that.  At that time, I wasn't able to see that, because of my unconfessed sins.  I wasn't able to love freely, as God intended it.
We got along well.  We had fun together, a good  life, a good marriage, but God planned our marriage to be excellent and good was not good enough.  A deep spiritual connection was missing, and only through God that connection would be made.  Well, at the beginning of this year, wonderfully orchestrated by God, that connection began... 

At our church, there was to be a fast and our whole church was encouraged to be a part of. Well, we didn't plan for the fast.  That Sunday morning, God gave my husband a dream:  He says in  the dream, I handed my husband a basket full of dirty laundry, and then my husband found himself in the middle of our yard, just standing there in the middle of a strong windstorm, and on our deck he could see a man and he knew that man was God, and that the man was sitting there peaceful as can be, and the man was aware of my husband in that storm, and how all he had to do was to reach out to that man and he felt sudden peace.

When My husband was telling me the dream, in my heart I knew exactly what the dream meant. Now my husband had always suspected things about me, but he never asked me anything.  He just lived with the  doubt and it was killing him. He asked me what I thought the dream meant.  And so our long confession session began, and let me have you know, that never would I had thought I had to confess anything, because I thought and believed, okay I am forgiven, my past is my past and that is that. However God's thoughts are higher than mine and amazingly better.  (Isaiah 55:8)

God's sovereign grace just showered us as confessions were spoken out.  It was so very hard for me to confess, and painful for both of us.  I hated the pain this caused my husband.  And don't think the enemy of our souls didn't take his part in this.  I was hit with so much fear,  anxiety, and just couldn't muster out the words.  Even doubt creeped into my mind, doubt of my husband being able to handle all of this. I had to hold on tight to God's word.  God kept bringing verses to my mind.  And I just had to close my eyes, trust and obey.  I couldn't even see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Never had obedience been so painful.  And I had to obey, if I say I love the Lord. There was no turning back.
Forgiveness happened. God left me (us) in awe! I imagined the worst happening,  because that is what our soul enemy would have wanted, but my God...oh My GOD said,  "Oh no you don't, she's mine now!"  Sweet victory in Jesus! Which I am reminded of the song "Blessings" by Laura Story, "...what if your healing comes through tears."  And only good has come through this.  Praying for each other, total freedom to love each other.  A deeper intimate level.

When we confess our sins to God, we are certainly forgiven.  Some sins have to be confessed to others as scripture says in James 5:16 
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
And healing for us has certainly been through a lot of tears... And victory can also be yours, but we have to  trust and obey, even if we don't know what the end result will be, there is absolutely no other way~

After this very long day, we were weak and hungry and my husband said to me,  "Now don't you think that we have done a true fast?" as it reads in Isaiah 58:6-12. 

6"Is not this the fast that I choose:  to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke?  7Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?  8Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.  9Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, 'Here I am.' If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, 10 if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday.  11And the LORD will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.  12 And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in.

Blessings to all~

Hi, My name is Gabriela.  I am a 35 year young Hispanic Christian woman.  I am married to a good man for 16 years and God has blessed us with four children.  God has given me {us} so much more than we ever could have imagined~

Gaby blogs about family, faith, and everyday life over at True Blessings.

1 comment :

  1. Gaby,

    Your story was a captivating one. My husband commented on how he was riveted by what you had to share. It is so true that we can not have a truly open relationship with our Savior until we have sought the forgiveness of those the Lord has put in our lives. There can be no doubt that you and your husband share a fuller and richer relationship because of your willingness to share with him and his wilingness to forgive your past transgressions. In going before the throne of grace together, I am certain that you also have a closer realtiionship with the Lord.

    I have recently been under attack by two ladies after I shared with them things they didn't know about my past, before I was a Christian. So I understand it can be so hard and painful to share your past with a world who may not understand the love and forgiveness of Jesus. I commend you for being willing to put your heart on the line and share with the world in the hope of giving others the opportunity to know the great joy of giving and recieving forgiveness.

    Hugs, my friend.