Today I ran. It felt so good. It was good to be moving. It was good to be doing something I love. It was good to be doing something that is mine. It was good to clear my mind in a way that only running can do. It was good to have my headset on and block everything except me and the asphalt out for a little while.
It is was hot. And humid. And after 3 months of not training it hurt. A lot. I don't usually take medicine but the first thing I did when I got home was swallow some Advil. Because I know later my arthritic joints are going to be killing me.
And for all that and I only logged just under half a mile of actual run time. And it was slow. So very slow. We are talking 11 minute mile here. I usually do between 6 and 8 minute miles. I could have easily pushed myself to go both further and faster but my hubby limited me because he knows how badly I will hurt both day and night for the next few weeks.
And that seems so incredibly PATHETIC! I could get frustrated or irritated at myself. Which is my norm. But instead I am going to delight in what I can and did do instead of what I can't. Today I ran 1/2 a mile. It was hot. It was humid and my joints felt the pain with every step. But I ran anyway. And I ran more than I did yesterday, last week or last month.
I like to get all I can out of myself. I can easily get frustrated when I am limited or unable to do what I should or could or whatever... the expectation is that I have set for myself.
For the last nine months I have eagerly looked forward to doing everything I haven't been able to do. I want to get back into full swing and run those two miles everyday. I want to be the one to tuck Carmella in and get her up. I want to be the one to run and play with my youngers. I want to get out in the gardens and dig with my boys. I want to hang out til all hours with my big girls. I want to clean my house, cook our dinners, wash the laundry, go to FBI, visit with friends I've barely seen since September, attend church, go to fellowship, have friends in for a Memorial Day cook out... and the list goes on and on. I want to write, answer emails, revive my blog and get back to ministry. And that's just the start.
But Wachter life is in a holding pattern. I want to get up and run but God has me going it slow and easy. He knows if I try to do it all right now I will get overwhelmed and in the long run, it will hurt more than it will help. Because of our need to limit our exposure to others there is no where we can go and few people we can see at this time. I spend 5 hours a day nursing which means I can't even be involved in the running of our household. And I could get frustrated and irritated at that.
But instead, today I choose to look at what I can do. I can nurse my sweet boy. Something that is going to make him stronger and help his development. I can hear my kids laughing and playing together in the pool as I do so. I can watch FBI makeup videos and sing with my children as I feed Addison. I can talk with my Father and ask His guidance as we embark on this new journey. I can enjoy the many vases of beautiful flowers my boys cut from the gardens and bring to me each day.
I can keep up with loved ones through email and text. I might even write a note. And I am definitely blessed by the notes I receive.
I can share in the wonderful meals our girls provide each evening. I can relish in the blessing that I have someone... s... who are helping to keep the house clean and the laundry washed.
As he stays healthy and grows stronger each day I can see our son work to lift his head and roll over. I can listen to his beautiful sounds. I can stare into his amazing blue eyes as they scan the world and see farther each day. I can work on exercises with our boy that are going to help keep him on target. At night when everyone else is quiet in their beds, I can snuggle him close to me and we can doze off together. Yes, we do this almost every night before bed. And that's when I really know that the same Father God who is controlling my steps right now is also controlling every breath for our boy yesterday, today and tomorrow.
Right now we aren't going very far or very fast but together one day we will run. And it will be good.